I’m involved with a married woman. Help!

Question: I met a woman in the most bizarre of circumstances – a common food group on Facebook. Soon, we started talking and I realized that she's married and has a two-year-old daughter. She mentioned to me that she adores her family but has drifted away emotionally and physically from her husband. I know that getting involved with a woman who is married is wrong and I did try to push the woman away but then she just kept coming closer and at some levels, even I was wrong to have gotten involved with her.Now things have gotten beyond control, we have been on dates, have spent days together at different hotels. I feel really guilty for doing this and desperately need an out; however, this woman is not letting me. I fear that she will probably do something to herself or to me if I tell her that I don’t want to continue this. I am very confused and am not sure how to approach this topic with her. Please can you help me here? The woman is extremely volatile, bordering crazy. I am really confused. – By Anonymous
Answer by Aditi Kulkarni: Being involved with a married person is bound to be complicated. You are absolutely right in recognizing this. I do hope that you also recognize that this is a shared responsibility wherein two consenting adults have allowed things to develop the way they have. It is natural for you to feel guilty and I understand your apprehension about discontinuing the relationship. However, if you do not intend to be with her in the long run, then it is in everyone’s best interest that you end this at the earliest.
I recommend that you tell her in a gentle and direct manner that you cannot be together any more. Avoid making it sound ambiguous by saying things like ‘I think we should stop seeing each other’ or ‘Maybe it’s time for us to part ways’. This ambiguity will only create possibilities for manipulation and further complications. You have described the lady in question as ‘extremely volatile’ and she is most likely in a vulnerable state. With such a person, it is easy to get caught up in a cycle of guilt and possibly, emotional abuse. Try to reflect on what your fears are. It might help to discuss this with a professional therapist or psychologist, who can help you gain clarity of thought. She/he will also be able to help you to recognize any symptoms of mental health pathology.
- ​Aditi Kulkarni is a ​​Counseling Psychologist with Healtheminds​​
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